looking back on my childhood i'm surprised that i didn't notice my queerness earlier. all the times when i was little that i heard the word "lesbian" and thought, "yeah, that's what i am" really casually, little-kid like. or the time that i told my mom i was going to dress up my best friend and marry her. but it didn't hit me till i was 16. i met a beautiful girl and soon wondered why i was feeling towards her the way i did (i had never experienced anything romantic for anyone before). my parents started figuring things out before i was able to put a name on them, searched my room, found a note, and confronted me about it. i panicked and lied to them for 3 days until i finally said "so what if you're right?". things didn't get easier. they forbid me to see robin (my girlfriend), threatening to make me change schools if i talked to her at school. they would open my mail, highlight the parts that i had lied to them about, and post it on my door. (none of this was a violation of my privacy, because they thought i was doing something *dangerous*.) finally they began to hate robin instead of me and blame my being gay on her...she wasn't allowed in my house but at least they let me call her. after 2 years have passed now, i finally feel comfortable coming out to other people - my parents negative reaction made me feel scared to tell anyone else. by now my mom is pretty supportive in her own way, but it's still uncomfortable. a lot of kids have had it worse than me, but i pretty much wanted to die for two years. now i'm away at college and finally free to be myself.
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