Adolescent "exploration/experimentation" is what it is commonly known as. I just know that I have been attracted to other males since I reached that period in my life! I also knew I was NOT like the stereotypical "queer" everyone used to put down (myself INCLUDED!)
I grew up in rural/small town mid-Michigan in the late 50's/early 60's and there were no "OUT" gay people for me to associate with, learn from or emulate. There weren't a whole lot (I don't think) ANYwhere during that era! For this reason, I lived a lie that I didn't even realize consciously WAS a lie, for about 32 years!
I went through the fairly common period of calling myself "bisexual" and, still consider myself that way to a certain extent. I believe we all "fit" some place between the two extremes, some lean more strongly toward one direction or the other and some actually fit very comfortably in the "50/50" bracket as TRUE BI-sexuals. I consider myself as 85% gay and 15% still confused! Since I've never "gone all the way" with a woman, I can't say for sure how strong that attraction is in my life!!
In 1982 I took a class at San Diego City College, taught by a very WONDERFUL (and STRAIGHT) psychologist by the name of Ruben Naiman, Ph.D., called "Intro To Personality", a Psych 101 course. I wrote a paper for that class that I termed an "Autobiographical Self-Analyisis". In it I "came out" to the world.... and to MYSELF! I went a little berserk for a couple of years, feeling the "weight of the world" FINALLY off my shoulders! I joined the San Diego gay pride group, became a volunteer phone counsellor at the Lesbian & Gay Men's Community Center.
Two years later I fell in love with Anthony Allan Pope and had seven wonderful and tumultuous years together before he died of AIDS. Fortunately, because we met in 1984, there was enough information already out there that I did NOT contract the virus and remain virus-FREE to this day! I am now ready, after many years of widowhood, to start looking for HUSBAND #2!!
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