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Ms-HD Speaks

Dear Ms-HD,

My very dear friends are the best. But they have a secret that they keep from her (not his) 11 year old son. The boyfriend is a transgender! How is it possible to explain this to him with out really confusing or hurting him. The boyfriend has been in his life for 8 years. The son also has certain pressing issues that are not taken care of himself.

They have now started to keep the son away from his Grandma ( she had been saying some derogatory comments to him but they are not specific!!!!), but I feel that the only reason that they won't let him see his Grandmother is because they want to keep their secret. They are starting to turn him on the rest of the family as well, and it is possibly for the same reasons.

They are slowly taking away anyone that this child has to talk to and I don't know what to say to any of them anymore!!!!

Any suggestions or information would help me deal with the situation.


Ms-HD speaks:

There is little, if anything, you can actively do other than offer
your opinion - once. It will be up to them whether they take it or
not.

My thought is that they have the right to decide what they will tell
their child, and when. That said their better course of action is
perhaps to demand that the adults around them honor their wish.
However, it is entirely possible that they have done so, and the
adults are refusing to comply with their request leaving them no
option but to not allow the child to spend time with them.

That is no different from not allowing a child to visit with, for
example, a racist, if you feel strongly that they should not hear such
things, or perhaps have a mixed-raced family yourself.

I'm assuming that you have no "problem" with the fact that the
boyfriend is transgender. If you do, that is another question
entirely, but the summary of my answer to that would be, "You
shouldn't."

I hope this helps.

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Drop a note to Deborah at gaylesissues@rslevinson.com

copyright 1986-2010 Deborah Levinson