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Ms-HD Speaks

Dear Ms-HD,

i have always been heterosexual all my life. i have recently turned 36 and have made a new friend at work well its been many months now and over the months found myself very drawn to her. Our friendship started changing a couple of months ago as we starting jokin about lesbian situations as i accidentally caressed her behind one day walking by her. The situation gradually changed between us and the feelings were unspoken but u could tell it was happening to both of us mutually at the same time. she is my age as well but in a straight common-law relationship and we both have children. we have now confessed our feelings for each and are intimate for about a month and each day our feelings grow stronger and she is amazing. it is a secret and we are confused... how did we get here and now that we are here what do we do about it. we are scared and confused yet neither one of us have felt so intensely about someone before and that part is wonderful....and then there is her other relationship...Help! what does all this mean?


Ms-HD speaks:

As with any other affair, you are playing with fire.   You both need
to do some serious soul searching, and she needs to decide if she
wants to, and is willing to, give up her relationship so the two of
you can be together,  or if the two of you think you can continue your
clandestine relationship, or whether you decide that your prior
commitments take precedence, and agree to end the affair.

Do you notice that I'm not addressing the fact that you are both women?

The reason is simple - this situation is no different from if one of
you was male.

If you are curious about how others have experienced "coming out"
later in life, I encourage you to take a look at our Coming Out
Stories Gallery
.  I think you will find that your story is not that
different from others, and that will help you along the way,
regardless of what path you choose at this point in your life.



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Drop a note to Deborah at gaylesissues@rslevinson.com

copyright 1986-2010 Deborah Levinson