Coming Out Stories Gallery - Christina

i sort of wish that i never "clicked". as it is, now when i look back on when i grew up, looking at specific situations... i see them in a completely different light. its obvious ive been forgetting anything to do with how i felt about different women. i laugh at the sheer amount of things i have repressed, in an effort to be like all my friends, to be "normal".

personally ive got enough issues for the moment. i was hoping that now i finally figured out just how different i was from my friends, and why i felt.. wrong.. around them... i was hoping that it would all go away, and i could go back to how i was before the start of this year. not caring in any way about relationships.

it doesnt work. going through my head every day is "am i sure? maybe i feel this way because of some type of outside influence..." i remember having a debate with some online people about how much people are influened, how deeply the feelings that "are other peoples" go inside you. when i told them i was trying to find a reason why i feel the way i do (without disclosing any information, of course), they told me i should just accept it, because its how i feel, and its natural. i hate it when people give me the answers i dont want.

i fit into many stereotypes, i guess. i had a very bad relationship with my father.. very bad. i was a tomboy, i was completely uninterested in boyfriends. i have short cropped hair, i have tattoos. i want a motorbike, i want to join the army, i want to get an eyebrow + tongue ring.... gah...

really, how much can someone be influenced by outside things?

i swear, ive got enough problems without this... yes, i know its not a problem. but it certainly wont help me any :/ oh, i never cease to ammuse myself. i start out writing that i am, in fact, a lesbian... and then i start questioning it. this goes through my head every waking minute. im certain im going insane.

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